Grief
by screaming-poetically
Summary: Post “Run Silent, Run Deep.” DL oneshot. She speaks to him of grief and vengeance, sitting by his brother, and Danny realizes he’d miss her, even if he’d never met her.


**Title:** Grief**  
Summary:** Post "Run Silent, Run Deep." DL oneshot. She speaks to him of grief and vengeance, sitting by his brother, and Danny realizes he'd miss her, even if he'd never met her.  
**Disclaimer:** The names of all characters contained herein are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS and Alliance Atlantis. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission.  
**A/N:** Spoilers for "Run Silent, Run Deep."  
**Rating:** PG / K+

**Grief**

_"All hope was lost, given up and never again. But, watch, as fingertips touch and the life floods in."  
-Aqualung _

When Lindsay arrives at the hospital with flowers for Louie, Danny is asleep and Flack has left. She had known, of course, that Mac had stopped by; he had mentioned he would, and besides, it was no secret that despite all their fights, Mac had somewhat of a soft spot for Danny. Flack left because it was too sorrowful for him, he can't take the silence and Danny's broken voice. He's a tough guy, they both are, but they have their breaking points.

She puts the flowers on the windowsill about Louie's bed; there should be enough sunlight during the day to keep them alive for some time. Lindsay thinks she'll keep coming, bringing more flowers and some words for Louie. She doesn't know why, she's never met Danny's brother until now. But she feels close to Danny, and she guesses that makes her close to Louie.

Danny stirs in the chair by his brother's hospital bed. He sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and stretching. His eyes are still red and Lindsay realizes that he's been crying. She looks down at her hands, twisting them together to give him some dignity, maybe. When she looks up again Danny's looking at her, and she can tell he wants to say something but he doesn't know what. Lindsay speaks first.

"I, ah, I brought flowers. I didn't know if Louie would want them or anything but I guess that's what people do, in situations like this. You know, a gesture of goodwill. Stella talked to Mac, she said you'd still be here so I thought I'd come by and…"

He cuts her off there, sensing her unease.

"'M glad you came, Monroe. No one else has, 'cept Mac. An' Louie, you know, I think he might like those flowers, seein' as such a pretty lady picked 'em out."

Lindsay tries to ignore the compliment because this really isn't the place, Danny's brother is almost dead, he's in a coma he might never come out of… And here she is, hoping to God that Danny really did just say she was pretty. It's funny, she never knew she was so selfish until she met Danny, until she started wanting so many things for herself. Until she started wanting Danny.

She pulls up a chair next to Danny and they sit there for a few moments, silence enveloping them in an endless vacuum. It starts to rain and Lindsay feels like she can reach out and touch the droplets, right through the window—she knows it's not possible but right now she feels infinite, just her and Danny and Louie, who right now is bringing her heart down because it hurts Danny. Always blood, she guesses that's how the saying goes. Blood is thicker than water. You may keep some of your friends, or you may not, but you'll always have your family.

"I wanna kill 'im, Lindsay," he says.

She looks at Danny and she knows he's talking about Sonny Sassone; all of the CSIs know that he did this to Louie and as of earlier, so does the rest of the world. She puts her hand over Danny's and opens her mouth to speak but closes it when he continues.

"I know it makes me a bad person, someone Louie didn't want me to be, but I wanna kill Sonny for doin' this to my brother. He's my blood, Lindsay. God, it hurts."

Lindsay frowns and thinks a moment. She doesn't know what to say to this, she's never hurt so bad she's wanted to kill someone. She supposes she'll have to try her best, and she will, for Danny she will.

"Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge. On God if they can't find anyone else. Vengeance is a lazy form of grief, Danny."

It's a final sort of phrase, and he looks at her with hazy eyes, misty eyes that are about to flow over with tears. Danny sniffs a little bit, and he blinks fiercely a few times, but the tears are still coming; they aren't flowing over yet, they're not a flood, merely just a cloudy day with chance of sudden showers.

"Fuck, this hurts so much," Danny says, his voice breaking.

"I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it's awful, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got. What's that saying? It knocks us when we're up and kicks us when we're down. I'm not sure if I got it right but the sentiment is what's important. Do you understand that, Danny?"

Lindsay asks him this, not asking if he really understands the sentiment but if he understands that life isn't always fair. In their job, they see it more than most, but not until it hits close to home did Lindsay see it. Not until it hit his brother did Danny see it. She speaks to him of grief and vengeance, sitting by his brother, and Danny realizes he'd miss her, even if he'd never met her.

"Yeah, yeah. I…"

His face crumples and tears fall, a torrent of bitter feelings and broken hope, and Lindsay pulls herself closer to Danny. She puts her arms around him, rocks him, whispers that it will all be okay soon, it'll be over soon. Don't worry, baby, I'm here for you. You'll never have to be alone again.

After what seems like forever, Danny's breathing calms and the tears stop. He pulls away and she can tell he feels ashamed that he cried on her, that he showed what he probably considers weakness in front of her. Lindsay pulls her sleeve up over her palm and wipes his tears off his cheeks, and he looks at her intently.

"Safe," he says. "when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home."

Lindsay bites her bottom lip and looks nervous. She and Danny went out to dinner, she promised him if her helped her out with the case she was working with Mac. It turned out good, she guesses, but she didn't really consider it a date, more like a bet lost. But she thinks maybe he considers it a date and then, maybe I should too.

"Takes a lot for me to trust, Lindsay, an' I haven't felt safe in so long. I just…"

He looks to Louie and back again, wipes his eyes and puts on his glasses. Danny looks so much more different with his glasses on, it's like some masquerade but Lindsay doesn't like putting it that way. For the longest time she didn't know how to place Danny. He's not an open book, he's not easy to read like Lindsay. But then she figured out, with Danny, what you see is what you get. Sure, he hides some things away in a pocket behind his heart, and so does she. So does everyone else.

She stands up and, her hand still entwined with his, pulls Danny to his feet. He doesn't look like he'd rather be anywhere but here, but Lindsay knows that this isn't a good place for him to be. He's dying with hurt, and he needs to forget, even for a little while.

"You can stay with me," she says.

"Lindsay…"

She realizes that he only recently started calling her Lindsay. Before it was sarcastic insults and sardonic replies that made it a habit to call each other Messer and Monroe, but since tonight, it's Lindsay and Danny. Maybe she started calling him Danny before, she can't remember, but she knows that tonight, because of Louie and the Tanglewood Boys and life being not fair, everything has changed.

"I will take you home, Danny Messer, and you will stay with me. This isn't a good place for you to be. I left my number and yours, home and cell. The hospital will call if anything happens with Louie."

He says goodbye to his brother, presses a quick kiss to the forehead. She waits at the doorway, and when he looks up she's smiling a little bit, glad that Danny's listened to her and glad to see this part of him. Danny shrugs defeatedly and gives Louie's hospital room one last look as he joins Lindsay.

As they get farther and farther away from the New York Community Hospital, Danny slips his arm around Lindsay's shoulder and whispers "Thanks" to her, something he feels he should've said a long time ago. To her, and to a lot of people. To Louie in particular, but it's too late for that, even if it shouldn't be. Too often Danny has let things pass him by, but he swears inwardly to himself, not this. Never this.


End file.
